Dear soon to be lady,
As you approach adulthood, you're going to get a lot thrown at you from the world. Some things will be out-and-out lies, some will be half-truths, and some things will be true. It's super hard to figure out what's what when you constantly feel like you're being lied to. Know, first off, that I've been there and that, in some ways, I still am. Remember that living as a Godly woman is harder the older you get. No, it doesn't get easier when you leave the teen years. I don't want you to become discouraged, but I also don't want you to be caught off guard. Saying no to the world really does get harder even after high school. The voices that lie to you become more educated and more seemingly rational. 23 year old friends use better lies than 16 year old friends, and the kicker is, most of them don't realize they're misleading you because they are being mislead themselves. (This is why it's important to know what God's unchanging standards are, so you know when something's not right.)
I have listed some things I want you to try to remember as you get older and are tempted to make decisions that involve little changes in your lifestyle.
1. Stay in the Word of God
You eventually move away from your parents. You have to start taking yourself to church--its's hard to keep going to church when you're single, feel alone, and also when you're tired and there's no one around to push you/wake you up anymore.
And your friends...they are going to start to change. Some of them, you may have already seen change in high school. Get ready. The changes aren't finished. Expect many of your childhood friends to abandon the faith. Expect them to not follow the rules that their parents taught them. Expect them to water down standards that they now feel are too rigid or that they don't think really square with reality. Expect them to point out the church's double standards, hypocrisies, and faults, and use these as reasons to sin. Expect them to question how science and God work together. If you're feeling hopeless, it's okay. It gets better.
Despite all of these changes, there are a few things that don't change. One of these is the Word of God. The Bible is a book that tells you about God's rules, standards, and reasons for having these, and if you read closely, you'll start to pick up something called Biblical Wisdom which will come in handy when things start to get complicated: when your friends think it's alright to have sex if they're in love/have been in a relationship for 4 years/are going to get married, when they start to support gay marriage, or when they don't think going to church or tithing is that important. (I know some of you may already feel offended, but especially if this is the case, keep reading. And also, read the Bible and talk to God about the offenses. He's ready to listen and comment. He's awesome like that.)
If you stay in the Word, you won't be so quick to forget what it says. Moses and Joshua remind the Israelites to read and think about God's Words and Law all the time. They tell them that if they don't, they'll end up turning to idols and bad practices like the other people in the land. Moses and Joshua turn out to be right, and Israel....yeah bad stuff happens. Babylon is no joke.
It's not that God doesn't want you to have a good life. It's not that He's this guy in the sky who hates sex, dancing, and fun. It's that He wants you to have the best life, one focused on Him because He is the best thing ever. He is the essence of ultimate joy. And He made things like sex, dancing, and wine. Don't you think He knows the best and most awesome ways to do/use this stuff since He's the one that made them? The answer is yes.
Keep reading the Bible, and not just the parts you already know well. Read through the whole thing.
Read the Bible. It's awesome. I promise it's not too old to have answers to everything. There really is nothing new under the sun.
2. Don't Buy Into the Hype
Don't for a second believe that faith makes you stupid. Faith is powerful. The Bible tells us it is. And becoming like a child who trusts is ultimately what we all do. It's just that we trust something different. You, for instance, may trust God with a childlike faith. Bruce may trust his high school science textbooks. Marie may trust her new boyfriend's perspective. Nancy might trust not knowing anything; she may simply KNOW that she doesn't know....Odd choice, I know.
The point is: don't for a second think that trust and faith are a weakness. Trust and faith are a part of the human condition. Whoever is making fun of you, just has faith and trust in something else...something that probably makes less sense.
3. Keep Going to Church & Actually Be a Member Too!
Don't you dare buy into the new lie that church isn't necessary; that church can just mean rest on Sunday, fishing on Sunday, or even just you and a few people saying prayer requests at your house. Yes, the church is made up of people, and where two or more are gathered, the Holy Spirit dwells. But that doesn't mean you can just get together with Christian friends at your house. God tells His people to go to church. And what's more: the church lends itself to fellowship, ministry, and, you got it, staying in the Word! Honestly, you need it.
Forsake not the fellowship of the Saints, and you'll be less likely to forsake God.
[Also: sidenote...Don't you dare use the whole reasoning of "I want my heart to be in it when I worship and don't want to go to church if I really don't want to, feel sick, or don't mean it." A lot of times, the heart follows obedience. Get your butt up and go to church.]
4. Go to a Christian College (especially if you went to public high school)
The entire way you think, process, and form logical arguments is going to be different if you seep yourself in a public university setting.
How can you think about anything well if everything around you is denying the most important truth: that Jesus came, died, rose again, that life is more than we see, and that there is hope. The Bible and Christ are what Christians are supposed to build their lives around. That gets hard to do when Christ and the Bible are either not talked about, mocked, or just thrown into the melting pot with all the other religions which are considered "an emotional crutch" by the general student population.
It will always be worth the money to know that my life and intellect are Christ-centered, that my brain doesn't get in the way of my heart, that science and God support each other--that all of the things which secular universities claim conflict with one another, actually work together as I gaze at Christ.
5. Stay a Virgin (a Real One)...or Rather Stay Pure
WARNING: You have now entered the sex part of the letter.
People are going to tell you and show you that things like making out, touching someone in intimate places, masturbation, vibrators, oral sex, and even sex in general are perfectly normal and acceptable as an adult outside of marriage. Some of the same people who stuck to their guns in high school and didn't do things, are going to start questioning everything (after all, that's what people do in college...all the more reason to pick somewhere that emphasizes Christ).
Don't buy into any of the deceptions. Let me list some just to prepare you a little. I wish someone had done the same for me...
a. "The church has a double standard when it comes to men and women. Women have to remain perfect, pure, virgins, and modesty is way overemphasized, and guys barely get scolded. A guy can have sex and ask forgiveness, but if a girl's not a virgin when she's married, it's a problem. This is stupid. Women can do whatever men can do. The church overemphasized this, and it was unfair, so go try some things."
>Note: Just because the church (a flawed body of people) had double standards and overemphasized things, giving men more grace and women more scolding, doesn't mean God's standards are wrong. It means the church communicated badly and needs to change some things.
Just because church didn't do things properly, doesn't give you the right to drop your pants.
b. "The church is as obsessed with sex and the culture. It emphasizes remaining a virgin and sexual immorality and LGBT stuff way more than other sins. So, it's okay to try some things. They're not as big of a deal as I was taught."
>Note: Again, first off, even if your church said anything incorrectly, it doesn't give you leave to sin against God's Word. Also, the church emphasizes this stuff so much because God does too, in His Word! Wanna know why Sodom & Gomorrah were destroyed? Yeah. It had to do with sex stuff. So, read your Bible more, then you'll understand better.
Don't just buy your friend's words. Read THE WORD.
>Note: You've lasted a while, praise God and pray for more strength. It's not better to know how to do things before. I know it's not.
The great thing about Biblical marriage is that you have a lifetime to practice sex. It is always getting better....and it starts out pretty good to begin with, no matter how awkward it is.
d. "What about the things the Bible doesn't directly address....like masturbation, vibrators, oral sex, etc...."
>Note: The Bible does address them. Sometimes just indirectly. This is where the wisdom stuff formed by Biblical framework comes in handy. Go talk to your pastor and not your girlfriends....okay? ;)
Dear girl,
Don't buy into the lies, excuses, or reasonings of the world concerning sex. It's all poppycock.
People do not know better than God no matter how much they would like to.
I am very grateful that God kept my rebellions to a minimum. I wish I would have been even more pure on my wedding night. Girls, don't quit....even in the last quarter. Most of my screw ups were at the ages of 23 and 24....after high school and college. Again, it only gets more difficult the older you get.
[Oh and P.S. Do not buy the lie that masturbation can just be stress relief, or that it's okay as long as your not picturing anyone. And don't think it's more okay than having real sex....Just don't do it. Purity is mental and spiritual as much as physical. That also means no porn. #It's not just a boy problem.]
Dear girl,
Last note. It's important to include in this selfie-obsessed culture of ours.
Remember that what's important isn't who you are, no matter what any self-help magazine tells you. At the end of the day, who gives a flying flip about self-esteem, self-confidence, or self-anything--
What's important isn't you. What's important isn't the self or your perspective on yourself.
What's important is Whose you Are. If you are focused on Jesus, He'll show you what to think about life, men, the Bible, and yes, even the self. Hint: The self isn't really that important. ;) He talks about denying it a lot.
Dear girl, I love you so much, Don't forget God. Don't forget your first love.
And don't you dare take anyone's word over God's.
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