We Didn't Get Appointed for Japan.

I was wanting to post the the day after TEAM decided on us as a couple, but neither knew what to say, nor was I feeling well enough to type (my back and neck have been giving me problems the past few days). So here I am, telling you (the public) now. Wow, that sounded much more epic than intended.

So, here's the rub. TEAM decided on our appointment on Monday (May 4th), and our representative spoke with us about the decision that night. TEAM didn't deny us, but they didn't appoint us either, which means no training in May. We had, up to the appointment day, received nothing but encouragement and acceptance from TEAM. Both of our representatives and their boss told us that we were no doubt called to Japan, that our doctrines and theology were some of the strongest they'd ever seen via the Bible Questionnaire, that they believed the Boardwalk Chapel had strengthened us a lot and helped us grow into these budding theologians, and that they really loved us as a couple.

We were also told stories of other less-likely couples that had been appointed. From all reports, it seemed we were the ideal candidates. Our representatives, having no reason to doubt our appointment, spoke of training like it was a definite. Our main guy even told us not to do the Boardwalk because it would be impossible to dedicate time to TEAM fund-raising and training and another ministry. So, we turned the Boardwalk down, and were ready for training in May. I wrote a First Missionary Letter, and though I didn't mention specifics on fund-raising yet (that was for post training), I did speak of everything as if it was definite. That is because, as far as we, and all of our leaders whom we spoke to, were concerned, we were definite. I honestly didn't even realize we got appointed before training until last week. I though we were appointed at training to be honest. All of this being said, we were a bit surprised at the news. Isaiah was less shocked than me. I suppose this is because he has been told "no" more than I have (This may sound spoiled, but it's not. I'm just being honest).

Tyson (our main representative and supporter) told us that this didn't mean "no" or that we aren't called or that TEAM doesn't like us. In fact, they love us very much. He said that the main reasons for the not-appointing at this time had to do with the fact that we are only recently married and we need more training. They don't want to ship us out to Japan to be long-term missionaries, and us not be ready. That's pretty legit. And it makes me feel protected and backed up rather than just thrown to the wolves of ministry. But, we were still surprised.

Isaiah and I were honestly not very surprised at the marriage issue. We know we've only been married for a little over a year, and we know we have more growing to do. However, this first year of marriage has been like 5 honestly. I feel like God has put us on the fast-track of growth both as individuals and as a couple. Has that been difficult at times? Yeah. But I've always felt it's for a reason. So, this part wasn't super shocking, but I still feel that we're more ready as a couple than people give us credit for (Although to be fair, it'd be hard to know this unless you were us or were around us a lot, and TEAM can't exactly live in our house for a month...unfortunately).

The training issue, I believe, shocked us more, but was also more easily received. We know full well that we need solid training for the mission field. It was our understanding, however, that with TEAM, we would get the week of training in Canada, would then receive mentors who would continue to help and train us, and then would have 2 years of language school before going to a specific area of Japan. All of this, to us, sounded like training.

This being said, we honestly have no problem getting more training. We're praying about GFM, To Every Tribe, and even a trip to Uganda with Dr. K. All of these things, would of course, cost money. It's harder, at least I think it is, to get supporters for training than it is for going straight to Japan. It's not what our people necessarily thought they'd be helping with. But, God is good. He can open people's hearts up to whatever God leads us to do next.

We'd also love to go to the Boardwalk still, but I'm not sure that can still happen. Isaiah has already been at the Boardwalk for 3 summers, but last summer was my first. It was a tad easier for him to give up the idea. But for me, I felt like I had only just understood the Boardwalk, and was ready to dive in more accurately and was pumped about it too! To be honest, giving up the Boardwalk for TEAM felt like sacrificing for missions, laying my wants on the altar to Christ and to his calling, which I was more than willing to do, but it hurt. I listened to Michael Card's "Death of a Dream" for two days after TEAM told us we couldn't do the Boardwalk and TEAM. It was serious.

I honestly am super glad Ben is the drama director this summer though (He is flipping' awesome!). If we were to go back, I would want Isaiah to do evangelism with Chris, and I would want to just be a wife, counselor, friend, and part-time worker in Wildwood at some shop where I could talk about Jesus to customers. Last summer was hard. Worth it. But hard. Bad back and neck with no chiropractor. Mold. New marriage. Both of us leaders. Hardly any sleep. An entirely new experience for me (culture wise). Counseling a lot of people when my marriage was at it's hardest point. I loved it, but it was a battle. I grieve the fact that this summer was going to be redemption...a chance for it to be even more enjoyable than it already was, but we gave it up for something that isn't going to happen....That's hard. For me at least. But God brings beauty out of everything, and I know he has a plan. We just don't know about it yet.

I emailed the other opportunity that had been a possibility as well. Teaching in Japan. But alas, the school has downsized, so they're not even hiring anyone else anyway. So there's another closed door, at least for now.

So, we're back to square one. And that's okay. It's more than okay really. The spirit has more room to work and speak when our mortal human thoughts get out of the way. And since we honestly have no idea what's going on, the Spirit has a lot of room to talk to us.

In a way, this decision does make a lot of sense. Isaiah used to really talk about GFM and To Every Tribe a lot at the beginning of our marriage. We had contemplated them a lot before TEAM came up. So, perhaps one of them was meant to be all along. And maybe we can be at the Boardwalk a little, which I would love. And while we're training at the Boardwalk, GFM, To Every Tribe, or with Dr. K, God will grow our marriage even more, so that we are fierce warriors for Japan. He can make us unstoppable in the wait time. That is my prayer.

Isaiah and I both honestly aren't mad, upset, or even disappointed at TEAM's decision. I think we're just in a bit of shock. We both are okay though, and know that whatever comes next, our God is with us and so is our partner (we know we have each other!). We know that no matter where God leads us on our road to missions, we'll be together. Through whatever move God has planned.

I think the hardest things for me personally are the giving up the Boardwalk and the embarrassment I feel at having spoken about Japan and training so much. I was told to talk about our passion for the country of Japan, and to inform people of where we were in the process, to simply garner support even before fund-raising. But now, though I'm not sure it could be helped, I feel a bit embarrassed for talking about these things when we're not going to training in May, and not going to Japan so soon.

But all we can do, as kingdom workers, is speak about what the Spirit shows us in the moment and what know in the now. We are sheep who are led, not constantly informed foremen. So, I've been a sheep, speaking what is revealed to me and telling people about Japan and sharing my excitement. I suppose that's okay. I didn't directly tell people things were happening for sure, because I didn't know that. But I did speak with definance. However, in the moment, that's what I knew, from leaders, from the Spirit, from my spouse. I spoke what I knew. Now, I'll speak what I know again.

We aren't appointed right now. God is good. God has a plan. I hope you're all still on our team.