Even though I was sad to be leaving, and it was odd meeting my replacement so soon when I hadn't fully processed what was going on, I still knew this was the right thing to do and was happy to get home and get some rest. I still didn't feel like a very good teacher when I got off work on Thursday. After all, missing someone/a group of someones doesn't particularly make you great at something. It just means you're emotional. So, Isaiah and I traveled down to Concord to meet up with his family and go to "Wicked!" in Charlotte. (By the way, if you haven't seen it, it's the most beautifully, redemptive play ever, and you should go.) I sat in the car playing and talking with Lyuda (one of the Ukranian girls at Isaiah's house for the season) and thinking of beautiful things, and also talking with Judi (Isaiah's mom) and thinking of painful things as she asked how I was doing (I can never seem to lie to her!). It sort of seemed like all of the pain and beauty in my life just sort of meshed together during that car ride, and then I got to see the same thing happen in play-form. I can't even full express what that play did for me Thursday night, but what I can say is that "I have been changed for good" after officially seeing it. I was feeling so lost and depressed and also relieved at leaving work. And on top of that I still felt like an utter failure. Like everything I'd done at North was meaningless and pointless and that I was a pretty crappy teacher. Like maybe I was never good at it at all. Like all of the training and seminars and lessons, in the end, amounted to nothing.
And then, something miraculous happened. God spoke to me through the music. I had forgotten that the song "For Good" was even in the particular musical I was watching (after all, I'd only heard the songs and never seen them in context), and when GA!-linda and Elphaba started singing it, the water works started. You see, my favorite student (although I have loved so very many!) at James Irwin, Jasmine Burns, loved the musical "Wicked" and was always telling me to watch it. When I left JI, she broke my heart most by giving me a goodbye letter (she was always giving me notes and presents) in which she listed all the lyrics to "For Good" and explained how I had changed her so much, how much I'd impacted her life, and how very much she would miss me; it was the most beautiful piece of writing I'd ever seen: eloquent, sweet, and full of love. So there I sat, in the theater Thursday night, crying my eyes out as God reminded me that I am a very good teacher, that students have loved me, that God, through me, does make a difference, and that He's not done yet! So thank you God for the reminder of your love and presence, and thank you Jasmine, for loving me so well that I remember my value through a song even when we are miles apart!
Isaiah and I at the play "Wicked"
On Friday, God gave me further comfort and confirmation through co-workers who talked with me about students who had mentioned my patience and faith in Christ, and through some of favorite North kiddos being in the math class I was proctoring in. I was especially happy to see Emily again, my 3rd period, sweet student who loved that I didn't ever yell. Emily often drew me pictures, and her boyfriend Austin would make me origami, especially when I was having a bad day. Emily reminded me the most of Jasmine, and seeing her on Friday just settled my spirit even more.
One of Emily's drawings for me! It represents the perfect combo of science & logic and whimsy!
From: January 2016
My favorite Jasmine Burns piece, which she gave me as a present when I missed my brothers a lot!
From: December 2013
Since my last day at North, things have been moving quickly. I won't pretend that I've processed everything or that my life is all of the sudden perfect. But I will say that it's amazing how much you can end up doing even when you're not working. I keep trying to sit down and process, but alas, today is the first day I've really been able to.
I had a bro-night on Friday (Jan. 16th) night and most of Saturday morning with my favorite cuz Auggie and my brother Mitch, who came in for the weekend from Chapel Hill. I also got a haircut on Saturday (although I don't consider this particularly important). On Sunday, we enjoyed church and then rode with Gram to get chinese food and drop Mitch (along with loads of his stuff) back off at Chapel Hill. On Monday, I signed up for my Theology classes, so I can get a Bible Certificate for Japan. I'm already in all of my classes, and my books on on the way. Isaiah also registered and started TESOL certification. So I am taking Bible classes and staying home, and he's taking teaching classes and working: We have truly switched roles! LOL.
On Tuesday, Isaiah worked with his brother Josiah, whilst I watched his brother Matty and sister Geneva for his parents (they were having a little vacation). It was a truly great day. Matty, Geneva, and I ate at Chick-fil-a (my lemonade milkshake reminding me of Megan Siegle), went to my mom's to hang with two kids she was keeping (we played a lot of games), returned to Concord to visit the dollar store for goodies and to get supplies for Matty's famous homemade popsicles. It was a day well spent, and I felt like my old childhood-whimsy-filled self all over gain. On Wednesday, Isaiah and I watched Colton at his family's house. Isaiah spend the day working with his brother Josiah on his downstairs apartment, and I divided my time between watching cartoons with Colton and filling out questions that were needed for Japan.
Me channeling my "inner-Amy-Verner" at The Black Chicken Coffee shop on Thursday
On Thursday, Isaiah and I had one of my favorite days ever: the perfect combination of productivity and fun. We started out the day finishing out questions I needed to answer for Japan. We then went to the unemployment office to see what kinds of jobs are currently available for Isaiah (He does continue to run bread routes which helps). We stopped by the Black Chicken Coffee Shop to check where the Winston-Salem McKay's was, so we could check and see if they had any of my needed theology books for classes. Though we didn't end up ever finding McKay's, we did find Village Tavern on the way, and since I had a gift card from school to there, we decided it was fate. We had a delicious meal and some wonderful adult drinks, then headed home to go to a Japanese steakhouse and movie with dad.
And today, we spent the day in, like most folks around here, enjoying the snow, building a fire, snuggling, and reminding each other of how very much we love each other no matter what life brings or how many more transitions are yet to come.
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