Senses of Hope

For those of you who aren't aware, Isaiah and I are currently in a state of transition. We'll be leaving for the New Jersey Boardwalk on May 23rd. We're getting there a bit early for a few reasons. (1) We are coordinators, which means we're supposed to be there a little early anyway. (2) We're a married couple who will be living rather communally. However, we'll have our own back bedroom and bathroom. These places will be our "couple" oasis as well as the place where we can host tea parties for individuals who may want to escape or need to chat about some things one-on-one (or rather, two-on-one). Because we really desire for the space to be both welcoming and an escape, we want to get there early to create this. We'll be setting ourselves up for success. (3) It gives me time to write. Ben (my drama-directing partner) and I met and chatted. He's working on scripts at home. I, however, believe that I need to be at the Boardwalk in order to feel enough peace to write out the script ideas I have. Moving out and actually getting to the Boardwalk will give me enough calm to write because my brain won't be crowded by all of these other transitional concerns and to-do lists. (4) I'll get to start cleaning out the drama closet, slash reorganizing it, and/or thinking about things we might need once Ben arrives. Maybe then we could go shopping or networking together. (5) I'll be able to get to know the awesome Elizabeth more; she's a part of the Boardwalk Staff.

So, we are leaving May 23rd. We aren't packed. No one has taken over or even been interviewed for either of my jobs. My family is not in the best place. I still don't feel close to all of the Englishes before heading North for miles, though I do know some of them well. The truth is distance doesn't make the heart grow fonder unless two people are really connected already. I'm worried about losing relationships that have barely started.

And then I have the friends I'm leaving behind that I already barely talk to because I got married and am super in love with my husband, and now it's a whole lot harder to make time for people whom I really do love. On top of getting ready for the Boardwalk, settling jobs, money, packing, bills, and relational aspects, Isaiah and I are also trying to think about what happens post-Boardwalk. I'm attempting to send in teaching applications, and Isaiah&I are still trying to talk to folks overseas slash people involved with Japan, the country to which we feel called. It's hard not having a nailed-down plan even when we have the whole summer before the pressure's on.

We are both in transition. It's hard. But....God is faithful.

Last night's post was rather depressing on a level that I'm not really used to. I'm typically rather positive. I simply feel that I should be completely honest on the blog, especially if it is to be a record of Isaiah and I's call to missions slash a place for people to really know how we Englishes are. This part of the Englishes is struggling--the Calli part.

Isaiah, however, did get some hope and calm this past week, and I am just now starting to feel some of that, which is wonderful.

Isaiah received some recent hope from two places. He received a good bit from the conversation we had with his mom, Judi, on Saturday, the day before Mother's Day. She talked about what an encouragement he's been to the English family in general, especially with being an initiator--one who always suggested prayer, bible study, and the like. She also mentioned him not trading or changing this quality even in the midst of attempting to be others-sensitive. Getting a word from his mother was big, I believe.

In addition to this talk, Isaiah was also encouraged last Thursday after talking with a Godly woman by the name of Hannah. She attends Rich Fork and helped us a lot with our wedding. Hannah spoke with Isaiah about his gift for understanding and interpreting the Word. She also spoke about missions in Japan and how it's a country with hard soil--conversions happen over decades there rather than in the course of a few days. She said that God was probably cultivating growth in us right now. She mentioned that feeling a sense of hopelessness and no-direction and hardly-any-accomplishment is probably something we'll feel often over seas. So, it makes sense to her that we're getting to practice now. Isaiah found this very helpful. So did I when he told me. I only wish I would have been there for the talk. It would have helped.

I am starting to get some hope from other sources, though I still don't have as much as Isaiah. Being more of a planner doesn't as naturally lend itself to faith, trust, and patience. Some of my hope and encouragement came this morning when Isaiah & I talked over breakfast at Panera. Isaiah and I were talking this morning about our ministry together and future missions work as a team. It's amazing what God puts together when He makes two people one. We spoke about our strengths and weaknesses and passions, and I feel, more than ever, that God put us together for a great purpose. There's so much that I knew before we were married. However, every time we talk I am encouraged to know how very good we are for each other and how very good we can be for others. We have already started to work together for ministry, and it's wonderful. I am excited to see what happens in missions together this summer. It will be a new level of working together, and, honestly, I am pumped. I firmly believe will will rise to the challenge. The Holy Spirit & Word & Prayer as our Communicators and Guides.

I also received a good bit of courage from my mother the night before Mother's Day. Isaiah & I have both been blessed with great mothers who can speak into us. My mom was big about discussing the fear I was feeling about messing up God's plan or going for things I felt I would receive a "no" from. "God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of love and a sound mind," my mommy reminded me. She is right.

I may be scared to leave things in semi-disarray here in Concord & Lexington. I may be afraid of our non-plans post summer. And I may be afraid of failure. And even more afraid of being told no. However, I feel emboldened. I shall remain bold. Resting in the Lord & Pressing Forward.

God cannot be thwarted. Especially not by muah.