Thank You for Investing...
Since it's getting close to Valentine's Day and hence to my Anniversary, I wanted to make a blogpost about all of the people and couples in my life who have taught me about contentment. As an idealist, type-A personality who loves constant entertainment and travel and never "planned" on getting hitched, contentment is NOT easy. It's something that I personally have to work on with God a lot. But there are people who have given me a major leg up; they taught me the ropes long before I was thrown into the arena of marriage, and to them I am eternally grateful. I love you all. Thank you for being a part of my love story, my marriage, and hence, my ministry for Christ!1. Britney & Patrick Wood
How I Know You: Britney recruited Amy Verner & I to teach for her school in Colorado. Amy & I spent two years hanging out with this beautiful couple and calling them our Colorado parents. Britney and I would have long talks and coffee while Patrick & Amy played video games (such boys! :p). Their house is also always the one I went to when I got sick and wanted company and love, and I called Brit when I was freaking out about liking Isaiah before he asked me out.
Dear Woods: Britney, thank you for taking the time to talk to me over numerous cups of tea and tears. Thank you for feeding me when you and Patrick didn't even have that much to go around. But thank you, most of all, for showing and telling me how to be content. I think growing up as a missionary kid made you more practiced at being happy with your lot in life at a given time, even a difficult one. Sometimes you were tired and weary after school and would return home to Patrick who had, likewise, had a rough day, and you both just loved each other. Rather than being resentful, you found rest and joy in each other's arms knowing that this was a phase and not forever. Also thank you for painting nails outside and reading books from the library and finding couple shows, for showing me how to find simple, free/cheap things to do to fill my time up in the mundane of life, and enjoy every minute of it. Rather than focusing on what you couldn't do or didn't have, you both focused on each other and on finding the little things; those things that make the everyday magical. And Patrick, thanks for showing me that even though not everything works out, job wise, salary wise, plan wise, that a calm, gentle, and caring spirit goes a long way, that a man or woman can and will stick it out and keep being full of ideals and ideas, that, no matter what happens, our spirits don't have to be broken. We can find joy in planning, writing, or even working with mulch for hours in a day because not all of life is perfect, but our God is. God bless you guys!
Britney & Patrick reading a Speech at our wedding
2. Paul & Judi English
How I Know You: These are my in-laws! And what wonderful ones to have. Judi & Paul raised my husband Isaiah to be a great man of God, and now they often give me advice too! I still remember when Judi spoke so often about submission and dependence before we got married. I kept wondering why...until later. LOL!
Judi & Paul on the Breadroute: "She's a BreadWoman Now!"
Dear Englishes (The Originals): Paul, thank you for teaching Isaiah how to enjoy the things in life that I just hate...Things like paying bills, doing taxes, taking naps. All of those things that I find pointless and irritating and which grate on my natural discontent and fun-loving personality, Isaiah enjoys getting accomplished. He enjoys these things because of you, because he remembers a dad who took joy in the small things, who taught him how to be a man when life is kind of lame, and to not even look at life as lame during it. Because you taught him, he is teaching me. Thank you. Thank you for raising a patient and contented man who can help this heated-Irish-blooded-blonde be calm. And Judi, thank you for showing me that those things I describe as "lame" at times, are actually beautiful. Caring for children is beautiful. Being a wife is beautiful. Cleaning up is even beautiful, for it makes a home lovely and shows care. And thank you for showing me that even when times are hard, when you have visiting girls who are rebellious and headstrong, when someone vomits on the bed, when your kids are emotionally struggling, when you're just tired...Thanks for showing me that during these hard times, we just do what needs to be done and pray and love in the process. I never see an English kid make a big deal over cleaning up poop or vomit or pee; they just do it. And that's because they have parents that do the same: Deal with life as it comes, be content about even those displeasing things, take as much joy as possible in something, and just throw the rest in the wash without a word.
*Editor's Note: Geneva & Matty just informed me that sometimes there may actually be a "word" or two of complaint, but the letter still stands. :)
Judi & Paul at our wedding
3. Jan & Rob Greer
How I Know You: I babysat for Jan & Rob, but babysitting for them was much more than a job. Rob would teach me about economies and wise spending and saving while driving me to and from work, and Jan would speak with me for hours in their school room about education, English, and marriage. A beautiful couple who loves God fiercely.
Dear Greers, thank you for showing me that keeping love alive and vibrant includes setting time aside for each other for date nights. But even more than that, thanks for showing me that it's possible to be content even with smaller things, like watching your awesome husband sing your kids to sleep, or reminisce about how it used to be even harder during Grad. School, or simply escape with a cup of tea to the schoolroom when the kids are yelling. Also, especially Jan, thank you for showing me how to be chill about more stuff. Sometimes kids scream, and they're fine. Sometimes husbands say things, and you let it roll off or just figure it meant something else. Sometimes you mess something up or burn something, and you just make cereal and then go talk to your babysitter about life. Sometimes you just "be," and that is more than enough.
4. Leah & Dal Cook
How I Know You: I grew up with these folks much like I did the Greers and Worleys. Leah was my first employer. I worked for her as a Mother's Helpers, cleaning out closets and fixing shelves, all the while talking about she and Dal's love story and what makes their marriage work.
Leah and Dal, thank you for showing me that relationships have phases. Sometimes you are totally, head-over-heels in love and get to see each other constantly. Other times, you don't get to see each other a lot because of separate work schedules and life and children, and that's okay. You just roll with life, knowing that your commitment meant forever and that you still love each other. And thanks for being content with all of the chaos happening around you, with kids (often not your own) coming in and out of whatever house you lived in at the time, thanks for showing me that being content doesn't mean planning the perfect "couple time" but often just dwelling in the "what is" and being okay with that. And Leah, thank you for showing me that when I do screw up, even if it has to do with discontentment, I can come to God and my husband instead of killing my inner-self with guilt. Thank you for telling and showing me time and time again as I cleaned your home that guilt isn't the best way to grace or to your husband's heart.
5. The McCoys (Bob & Laurel)
How I Know You: I knew your kiddos first. Katie from a distance, but Amy & Bonnie up close as roommates. I heard of Bob & Laurel's love story long before I knew them. I watched their kids interact, love, and give me advice before I learned where all of it came from. And then I met these people, two of the most wonderful folks in all the world who raised kids full of wonder, friendship, love, and magic. None of the McCoys ever said goodbye to Narnia, and thank God for that!
Bob, I spoke with you the most, so this is addressed to you (but Laurel, you're a part of this because you're awesome and are one flesh with your hubby! <3) Thank you for showing me that your level of contentment is dependent mostly on your relationship with God and your own attitude: not upon your wife or what she does or does not do. Whenever I am tempted to blame Isaiah for my discontentment or problems, I think of a conversation we once had; I remind myself that there is not an excuse for my discontentment. I only need to seek God, pray, read the Word, and get an attitude adjustment. It's about me and God. Not Isaiah and what he does or doesn't do. Bob, you are perfectly happy with being a garbage man and with raising Godly children (or "Planting Seeds" as the Andrew Peterson song says); you see the magic in these things because there is magic in all of the things our wonderful God made. In all things Chirst Preeminent. In all things Christ glorified...Even the small things. Thank you.
The McCoy girls, Bonnie & Amy, at our wedding
6. The Hawkins (Dorcas & Allen)
How I Know You: I met you and Lindsey (Lil' Hawks) when you dropped her off at Covenant College. I heard so much about your relationship and family perspectives from my new friend Lindsey, and then I got to see it for myself by spending a whole summer with you (Dorcas, Allen, Lindsey, and the occasional Bryant too!) in a fixed-up Bryant's room. Dorcas & Allen were so kind to me, a semi-stranger, in their home and were there for me in some difficult times (my first time being fired, home-sickness, and some culture shock). What wonderful conversations I had with Allen about Theology (He made me more of a conservative!) and Dorcas about Education and Family (It has effected the way I will raise my children).
Seriously, the cutest, most hip older couple I've ever seen
(I hope we're that cool one day)
Dear Dorcas and Allen, thank you for showing me how to take joy in the small things (even when the big things are stressful--like a crazy teaching job for instance). I loved watching you guys take joy in cups of coffee and homemade Eggs Benedict, a trip to Southbound Bagel, a good book, a memory, new 20 min. recipes, Theology talks, simple dinners with the family, BBC shows, redecorating a room, buying a great bridal gift, growing herbs, etc. You guys are experts are doing life in a classy (dare I say British?) and simplistically beautiful way. When I start to feel bored or like life is just slow, I think of some of the things you guys filled your time with, and start a great project or talk with my hubby!
Lil' Hawks at our wedding
7. Jocelin & Tim Yagel
How I Know You: Jocelin is my among my best friends at Covenant College, and she and Tim's relationship is unique to me because I got to watch it happen. What a beautiful couple who dated, got engaged, were married, did life together (all while I got to see!), and hosted me any time I came to Chattanooga! These were my first adoptive parental figures! It is so awesome to sometimes struggle with where Isaiah & I are at, and then think back to what Jocelin & Tim did in similar situations just years before.
And the most attractive couple I know...#ModelStatus
Dear Jocelin and Tim, you guys are experts at contentment in the midst of trial. From really difficult and stressful jobs to intense sickness and pain to differing perspectives and ways of growing up to apartments from Hades, you have been through the ringer. (Be encouraged, I've been told this means God is equipping you for amazing ministry!)You have taught me that I have NO reason (Death no Life nor Angels nor Demons nor Sick Days) to resist being one with my spouse. Instead of breeding discontent and arguments, your trials, have driven you to each other. Get Sick: Watch Batman together. Hard Job: Go on a date to your fav. place when you get off. Difficult Relational Issues: Talk to each other and receive wisdom from your spouse and then binge watch a show. You folks have become experts at turning to, instead of away from, each other. When I become discontent (for example when we discovered mold the other day in our room!), I ask myself: Do I allow this to drive me away from Christ and my husband, or Do I speak openly with him and fix it together? I think I'll be like Joce & Tim: TeamWork for the Win!
Jocelin as Maid of Honor at our wedding
8. Will & Patty Tate
How I Know You: Will (Dr. Tate) was one of my English Professors at College. He taught me Intro to Literary Studies, Renaissance Literature, and Shakespeare (the class where I fell in love with Isaiah). He always spoke of love as both natural and hard-work, and when he spoke of what love, affection, and commitment really were in the context of literature I finally got it! And Mrs. Tate who tutored me for hours on end in the Math Center. She taught me to never quit, that there's always a way to solve any problem, and when you really get stuck, you can step away, have a mint or a chocolate, and pray/chill for a bit before you start again. And she thought she was only teaching me math! haha!
Dear Tates: Patty, you taught me not to quit. Though you were often speaking of math, you, at times, would also comment that it was the same in life. How true that is! When I start to fall into discontentment with my situation in life, I remember that the fight is not over. No matter what satan might try to tell me, the battle belongs to the Lord and He dwells in me so....despite the fact that I feel I've lost...I keep fighting, I don't quit. Feelings can be deceiving. I am learning this full well. And Dr. Tate (I simply can't bring myself to call you "Will!" Ah!), you taught me that comparison and "a way out" is not an option when it comes to being committed to your spouse. "I made a promise. I know I love him with my life even when I can't stand him," I have told myself in the midst of tough discussions. You showed me that love is both natural and a fight, both organic and cultured, and you used Shakespeare to do it! How cool!
9. Alex & Ruth Marquez
How I Know You: Alex was my first real boss at James Irwin in Colorado Springs, but he was much more than that. He and Ruthie had Amy and I over, and he would, numerous times, speak of his love for his wife and many communication techniques I still use to this day (example: "Would you like me to listen or comment?")
Dear Alex & Ruthie (as Alex so affectionately calls you), you taught me that to remain content with your spouse...1. It is important to invest in your marriage (dates, time together, honoring the other person's love language, fixing communication misunderstandings quickly), and you also taught me to 2. Dwell on your spouse-to remember why you fell in love with them, to remember how awesome and attractive they are, to remember that they are yours and you are theirs. You taught me to be like a teenager in love and to relish your love (constantly talking about how amazing your other half is) so that you remain abiding in your love for your spouse, so that you are almost incapable of becoming discontent with the ONE God made for you. Thank you.
10. Alicia Ward
One of my first friends at Covenant who mentored me and took me to the famous Aunt Collyn's (spelling?) house to speak of the bygone eras of Covenant. She wanted to hang out with freshman me! How amazing! Alicia was naturally gifted as a wife and mother but kept her focus on Jesus and His work in "the now." She expressed so much contentment and peace. She may never know how much calm she brought to my tumultuous soul during those first years.
11. Megan Prahl
My co-worker, friend, companion, and travel-buddy in Colorado. Megan taught English at James Irwin, and she quickly became one of my favorite people. She filled her time with wonderful things and kept her focus where it should be. She demonstrated singleness (and marriage actually) done well: Contentment, Joy in the small things (like being a foodie and watching BBC), and Fascination with the Wonders that are in the world!
Megan, looking beautiful, on our (Susan, Megan, & I's) Scotland trip
Dearest Alicia & Megan, you are the only "singles" on this list and that is a testament to how amazingly you have sought out contentment, joy, and fulfillment in Christ and in Life. From you I learned that I have to first be fulfilled in myself and in my God before being a good wife. I cannot expect Isaiah to fill me up: this leads to discontentment. I have to expect God to fill me up rather than my spouse. I also need to seek out fun activities, ministry opportunities, etc. and not simply expect my husband to provide all of this for me. He is my husband. Not my God. And Not my Event Planner and Coordinator.
12. Susan & Cope Mitchell
How I Know You: Susan, you, like Megan, are a companion, friend, travel-buddy, and co-worker. But you and Cope became something more for me during my second year at James Irwin. When I left two stressful housing situations in a row, you let me into your home; you gave me salvation and healing. Your home was a place where I was able to mend my broken and scared spirit and begin to feel whole again. I became a part of your family. I will love you for always more than you know.
They look like they belong at Black Mountain College
Dear Mitchells, you taught me that life is crazy, that ridiculous things which we could never expect happen (especially in ministry), happen, and that it's best to trust God, honor your spouse, and go with it. And then to not hold it against them. Susan, Cope promised you an adventure years ago when he asked you to be his, and he was right! You have really loved, cared, and risen to the challenges needed in being a missionary (in my opinion) wife. Cope,you had to be away from home and on the road more than you wanted, but you made the time with your wife count; you loved on her and cherished her. You bloomed where you were planted rather than complaining. Susan, you never held bitterness or became utterly discontent. You pushed on, raised your children to be independent thinkers, thanked God for your life, and enjoyed the adventure...and the cigars ;)
The famous couple the day I left for North Carolina, a goodbye shot :(
13. Josiah & Jo English
How I Know You: My brother-in-law and sister-law who I inherited with the vows I made to my husband. I love them more and more everyday. As Josiah says, "He was the first," to get married, so he does know best. I will watch and learn, folks! But for serious though....I do and will continue to...watch. #nocreeperstatus!
Dear Josiah & Jo, I am SO IMPRESSED by your level of contentment. You have yet to have a place of your own, but rather than express discontentment, you make wherever you are living better: you build patios, make gardens, make great pasta & bread, buy bunnies, and start fixing apartment bathrooms. You also have been patient in waiting for employment as well as dealing with employment which may not be your favorite. You have dealt with rejection and bad timing and ministry not being as quick as you wanted over and over, and you are trusting and abiding! Jo, your allergies have even kept you from wearing your wedding ring at times, but I don't hear you complaining. I hear you rejoicing in the small victories of life. You folks are perhaps the most current example I go to when I start to feel stifled and upset with where we (Isaiah & I) are in life. You're in the same boat (except you've been out to sea for longer), and you're surviving and thriving. "I should be too," I tell myself! Right on, bro and Jo! "I always like your birthday present."
Josiah & Jo celebrating Jo's recent employment
at the most awesome job on earth.
14. Meredith & Scott Worley
How I Know You: Meredith, my dance teacher, advice-giver, and friend! I hung out with Meredith every day of every summer (and then sometimes in addition to that!) from the ages of 7-20 years of age! Meredith taught me so much about dance, life, body confidence, how the Bible works as whole, and love. She and Scott's love story is one for the ages.
Dear Worleys, thank you specifically for teaching me to be content when my body fails me. I have watched Scott have tremendously taxing back problems, and continue on loving his family and wife, not allowing discontent or bitterness to take over, but proclaiming God's goodness at dance shows, etc. I have also seen Mer-Mer teach when pregnant, when sick, when her body is perfect and when it's not, when her knee is bad, when her neck hurts, when her life is full of stress, and when she is great...Girl, you worship through it all both in dance and in life. Thank you for teaching me this specific form of contentment especially because my back and sickness this year have been rough. Watching you guys, I know it's going to be okay, that God is good, and that my partner is a gift of help during the hard times. There is always something to rejoice in!
Other People & Couples who helped me in different marriage areas:
Laurie & Todd ClearyRole: Parents <3 You are the most wonderful parents a girl could ask for! I always knew I could tell you anything and that you would welcome me with open arms just like Jesus!
Key Lessons: Endurance & Communication Techniques
Amy Verner
Role: Friend, Co-Worker, Colorado Roommate
Key Lessons: Men being Men, Women NOT being fixers, Cleaning as a Habit of Respect & Love
Dr. Foreman
Role: Reading Film & American Literature Professor at Covenant College
Key Lessons: The Wonder & Magic of Love and that Men can be feminists too!
Michael & Emily Bowers
Role: Pastor and Pastor's Wife at Rich Fork Baptist Church
Key Lessons: Communication, Letting things Go, and Appreciation
Kim & Kasey Hern
Role: My College & Career Leaders at Rich Fork
Key Lessons: Giving & Sacrificing for Ministry during Marriage
Mrs. Karen Watford
Role: North Davidson High School English Teacher
Key Lessons: Never Quitting, Always Giving your best in Work and Relationships
Bethany Faraone
Role: RA for Fifth North Hall at Covenant College
Key Lessons: Having fun and enjoying Singlehood, Laughing in the Hard Times with my Partner!, Not Taking Things too Seriously
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