I HAVE FAILED: PART 1

I come to the idea of confession today. Public Confession. The Nasty Kind. This blog will be presented in parts so that you may get the full effect, and so that I might ask God what needs to be confessed...because there is way too much to choose from.

The thing is I have a lot to say about what it happening in this Nation recently. But even more than that, I have a lot to say about God. How awesome He is. How loving He is. How full of Truth He is. I long to say these things--true things about God and America and where we are as a people.

But I have no right to say these things that I want to say in a human sense. Why? Because I've flopped. I've screwed up. I have failed. The only reason I have anything to say at all is because God has been teaching me, and because He's not finished. Thankfully.

In order to really speak to people, you have to be honest. And that's what I'm doing today. It is my hope that by reading about my failures, you will start to see the truths of God and perhaps will be convicted to confess your own failures and to start living a life full of more boldness. When you know that God is the only one that matters, you feel free to publicly admit your screw ups, run to Him for grace, and tell other people truth...Truth that you may be scared to talk about.

If we really believe the Gospel. And believe it BIG. If we understand with our hearts & minds that eternity is real. That this world is fleeting. That what matters is Christ. We will live with a sense of truth. The kind of truth that Jesus lived out--the kind that pissed the most religious people of the day off, the kind that drew in the screw-ups, the kind that was offensive.

I think people in this world of tolerance are afraid of being offensive. I think the people of this world today would stone the Prophets of the Old Testament; heck, they'd crucify Jesus no problem. In my heart of hearts away from the working of the Spirit, so would I.

I think the people of this world today need love. Seriously. Love needs to be BIG. But you know what else they need?

TRUTH. (otherwise, the love is false. fake. too small.)

Here's mine.

The truth of how I have FAILED. 

1. I TRIED TO PROTECT GOD.

For a long time, I really struggled with the ideas of hell and God's justice. When I read the Old Testament, I royally freaked out. The earth swallowed people up? God flooded the entire planet, killing everything but 2 of each animal and 8 people? Wow. I did not understand. I did not want to understand. This God was too great for me. So, I didn't try.

When I read the New Testament, I liked it. Jesus made the church mad but hung out with sinners & prostitutes & tax collectors. Yes! That's the kind of stuff I could tell my nonChristian friends. That's the kind of God they'd want to serve. Since I couldn't understand God's justice, I would just minimize that part of God and maximize His love. That'd be more approachable, right? My heart was good. I just wanted to present a God people would like, that people could understand. All I wanted was to box God up and wrap Him up into the perfect Christmas present. Nothing wrong with that, right?

So, even though, if asked, I would affirm the doctrines of hell and the truth about God having the ground swallow people up, I didn't advertise these. If people talked about hell, I'd turn the discussion back to sin and how God forgives, I'd say hell doesn't have to be the case, if you ask for Jesus for help. If people talked about not understanding God's wrath, I'd say yeah but God is justice and love together.

Though these aren't bad ways to steer a conversation, skipping over parts of God or watering down or trying to balance things right away isn't the answer. God presents Himself wholistically. He lets the fear of Him and His justice sink in before offering intense forgiveness and love; people need to understand their sin & its depth & punishment before they get how immense his grace & love are. After all, If you don't need a present, why open it?

God is extreme. He's full of love. And full of justice. And just because I don't understand how these work 100% at once, doesn't mean I should always be trying to sugar coat God into a swallowable pill for people or that I should always be discussing the flip side of Justice.

I'm not God's salesman. I'm his disciple. And disciples, a lot like prophets, upset people by speaking truth.

So why was I trying to steer conversations away from God's justice, wrath, hades & that pesky Romans passage about God's invisible attributes? Why did I like talking about the Woman at the Well, the curtain being torn in two, the message to the Gentiles, but not these other things?

Because I was trying to protect God (I didn't know I was doing this, but I was). I was attempting to make sure people didn't take Him the wrong way. I was afraid that if they saw, truly saw, this whole great Being that I, as a Christian, couldn't even understand, they'd get scared off or put Him in the same box as the homophobes and Southern extremists.

It was like God was my weird uncle who I liked to present, but only after I'd given him a nice shave and put a hipster hat on Him.

How arrogant I was to try and protect the God of the Universe!

The truth is: God can protect Himself. He cannot die. He can only exist and remain the way, the truth, and the life. No amount of people not liking the things He says can kill him or change what is true of Him or His Universe.

It's not my job to protect God. It's my job to speak the truth in love and to take people to the Bible when they take offense. It's not my job to protect God. I am to help bring people to Him: to the throne room of the true, non-cookie-cutter, offensive, all-loving, all-powerful, scary God. They may react like the Pharisees; they may find Him offensive and grotesque. They may run. And that's not my fault.

Or, they might react like Mary, realizing their sin, bowing at his powerful and gracious feet, anointing him with the oil of a repentant and contrite heart.