"For we wrestle NOT against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." -Ephesians 6:12-
It's been a while since I posted. Part of that is because there has been a lot of spiritual battle and struggle going on. satan has really been trying to get to me, and because I am a Child of Light rather than a Child of Darkness who claims the name of Jesus, he continues to lose. Ultimately, as we know, he has already lost. Death & Sin have been defeated, and this makes him irate. However, satan does not let this keep him from trying to sow tares in the wheat of God's beloved children. he wants to win though he has already lost. Hence, he continues to steal, kill, & destroy on the earth. Fortunately, we serve a God who has always been greater and always will be greater, a God who cares & wants His children to believe TRUTH. After all, He gave us two entire books of it: Creation & the Word.
These past few weeks have been a time of battle. I am realizing the battlegear I am lacking in, but I am also understanding that even when certain weapons are small (for example, at times, I feel I have a dagger rather than a Sword of Truth), I have the greatest weapon of all already. His name is Jesus, and, as a recent Sister & Friend told me, my place is at the right hand of the Father. From there, Jesus can show me how to fight the enemy, or simply defeat satan & his demons for me when I ask. "So, #winning,!" to put in 21st century terms. Seriously, guys, our right hand of the Father status is a huge deal.
satan has tried to attack me, thus far, in three different ways. First, he tried to make me believe that I didn't belong here, that my gifts weren't needed or wanted here. He also tried to confirm this through a few people, which made the lie seem more like truth. At one point, he hurled a three-pronged attack at me. What I mean by that is that, at the end of the attack, I realized there were three possible ways for him to win and that I had to pray for truths to battle all three possibilities. I prayed over all three prongs and have thus far been given supernatural love, a heart willing to change in the way I need to, and the strength to say "I do not receive that" to the things only meant to bind me in guilt & shame that is not mine to take.
Once satan lost this battle due to God's Holy Spirit revealing the truth of what was going on, on the spiritual level, he tried another tactic. This time he attacked my spiritual gifting. He tried to make me doubt the prophetic gifting I have received. (It's fine if you are reading this blog and do not believe the prophetic gifting exists post-Acts. I do not condemn you. I simply cannot believe that having lived out prophetic gifting myself. To deny the gifting would be to throw out every conversation I've had that started with a form of prophecy or insight. And that would be a lot of throwing out God's working & a ton of Ebeneezers He's given me over the years.) satan tried to attack this gift by making me believe that a dream from him was a dream from God. He tried to give me a package, as Don Francisco would say, which was labeled "God" but was really from the father of lies. I've been having more dreams from God recently and was shocked at this one in particular, which seemed prophetic but was in some way "off."
In the dream, I was surrounded by cannibals who were about to eat me. It was rather graphic. I was hanging naked on a spit while these cannibals around me conversed about eating my heart. The odd thing was that they spoke very eloquent English and were logically telling each other why it was okay to eat my heart. I awoke feeling like I was a "feeling"/empathetic person and that a lot of people here in the Dunn House & in the Boardwalk Chapel ministry were not acknowledging my gifting or what I added. Rather, they were so logical, unfeeling, and rational, that they were, without realizing it, slowly killing my sensitive heart. This was the attack which was defused the quickest because the people here have shown me encouragement and great love, and I knew it! Given: folks here tend to be more logical/rational based than most of my more artsy friends (though there are artsy people here too) and Given: sometimes the blunt way that people speak here, to a sensitive Southerner, might hurt a little. But: LOGIC & BLUNTNESS DO NOT EQUATE WITH NON-LOVE. In fact, Jesus spoke with logical sass and bluntness throughout His ministry whilst loving people perfectly. So, satan lost again. I do not doubt the prophetic gifting I have been given AND I know people love me here well. No one is trying to eat my heart but satan. He was the face of every cannibal in that dream. Not my beloved brothers & sisters in the Dunn House.
The third attack came this morning when we, as a staff, were reading through "Four Letter Words," our Evangelism Training book for the summer. We were reading about Monism: which holds that all is god, god is in all, nature is all, all religions are one, opposites are true, and illusion can be truth rather than reality. I experienced an extreme spiritual & physical reaction to this. We had read about Animism and Naturalism, and though these are wrong worldviews, these first two did not effect me as much as Monism did. It both sicked me and drew me in at the same time, and I hated it.
I realized (with the help of Susie Buckley & Mikaela esp.) that what upset me most about this particular worldview is that it changes the Jesus and God I love so much. You see, Animism acknowledges evil and fear but doesn't really speak about God. Naturalism says there is no God; only science. But Monism takes God & Jesus and twists them into hideous forms of untruth. To use a Jay-Z analogy, if you ride the train of Monism all the way, God & satan are one (YUCK!) and evil & truth are the same. That is pure evil! Of course I was spiritually repulsed. It only makes sense to vomit when you see a worldview that entrenches people with so many lies about our God and Jesus and which buries people on the lowest level of inception (I mean, it's hard to get someone who sees that they are believing an illusion & is still fine with that, to walk into truth. And I am ALL ABOUT SOME TRUTH.) I just sensed satan's utter joy over this worldview. The others bring him praise. Animism gives him power without acknowledging him, and Naturalism acknowledges neither him nor god which ultimately means it serves him, but Monism in its purest form literally brings him as much glory as God openly and candidly. It unhinged me.
But here's the attack part of the issue. I realized that Monism disgusted me but that it also attracted me. That attraction and understanding made me feel like satan's child rather than God's. The thing is, the most complicated, inverted, and contradictory things often attract me because I like complications and intrigue and psychology. But satan was telling me that "getting that," understanding why people would buy Monism and being attracted to it myself in a sense, proved his claim on me. See, some people, like my husband, read about Monism and laugh at it's utter folly. And some people, like me, read it and can really get why people are drawn to it, I don't see the folly first. I see why people like it, the lies that drew them to it. But this, my friends, does not make me a child of darkness. It makes me God's child who wields a different weapon than my husband. I can get in people's heads and work from inside their paradigm (while remembering and dwelling on the truth of God of course). I see the lies that bind them first, satan's puppet strings, and then can cut those strings with truth (again, still working on my Sword but the dagger and Jesus work well for now). People like my husband and my friend Ninja Tim see the folly of their belief first but look for common truths to start a conversation. People like me see lies and then start cutting; I don't focus on common truths all that much (Teacher/Exorter Status).
So satan, sucks for you. You do not win. I embrace having a purpose here in Wildwood, being loved by the people/leaders here, AND my spiritual giftings in prophecy and the seeing of satan's strings ("the better to cut them with" as the grandmother in Red Riding Hood would say).
There is a lot more going on here. For now, just know that God is faithful and that knowing with certainty that I am needed and wanted here helps a lot. God is using me a lot to defeat lies of those on the Boardwalk as well as lies that God's children, especially his girls, believe about themselves which keep them from walking in freedom, love, and power!
Continue to pray for the ministry here. God is Moving. The Holy Spirit is opening souls up to truth. And satan can't stand it.
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