Swimsuit Season

Today I went swimsuit shopping with the husband. For those of you who don't know, the husband is Isaiah, and He's amazing. In case you weren't aware, being a girl during swimsuit season is pretty rough. As a millenial, I have seen, by this point in life, millions of perfect bodies (often via photoshop) on magazines, and guess what? When I put on a suit, I don't look like them. There are a thousand reasons why: stretch marks, cottage cheese sections, Renaissance flab (Botticelli approved but not 2015 approved). This makes the amazing husband all the more important. We had this huge discussion after swimsuit try-on time about whether or not he loves me as I am right now. He does. We then had to establish if he'll love me if I change. He will. The last thing we discussed is if he has always thought I was lovely, even in the college days. He has. So he has loved me this entire time and won't stop loving me even if I continue to get better (I'm like a fine wine, so of course, I'll only get better with time). He also won't stop loving me if I get worse or if I used to be worse or better. I am reminded of Rafiki from "The Lion King," except the sentence now reads "I doesn't matter it's in the past, [present, or future]." After this discussion, I felt I could do no wrong. But rather than cause me not to care about my body or my health, I felt even more motivated to become a better woman in every form not to please my husband necessarily. It's bigger than that. It's about honoring the love he's giving me. It's good love and hence it deserves great honor and reverence. I should and am motivated to pour time and attention into it, into this man who loves me in all of my forms. 

I started being re-enchanted with God's love for me after this suit saga. I re-realized that God loves us in similar ways. Not too long ago, I was convicted about some major issues in my life. At the time, the change in me felt so extreme that I wondered if I had even loved God or been a Christian. I had loved God. I had also been a Christian. I was just changing a lot. You see, we get it wrong when we think of 2 Corinthians 5:17 like a single act. It is true that at the moment of conversation"the old has gone and the new has come;" however, if you'll allow the typical butterfly analogy, it still takes a while for us to develop the wings that have started to grow (and let's not even mention the time it takes for the goopy crysalis to come off!). After conversion, we're still covered in lies, sin, and a major gaps in understanding. Each time we reach the end of ourselves, we change forms yet again and our wings grow more. We are these goop-covered, ever-changing, worm-like beings. Oh man! When I think of that, I'm pretty scared of standing before Holy God. 

But fortunately, God doesn't see us as these goopy looking things, constantly changing forms and often not resembling the butterflies we are apparently becoming at all. He sees us with the eyes of love. When he looks at us, he loves us. Period. He loves us then, now, and in the future, and this crazy, radical, time-traveling love is possible because, like my husband, God's love sees me at my best. He sees me at my best all the time! He sees me in my perfected form because I'm covered in the blood of Jesus. And this blood of Jesus thing doesn't take away from the fact that he loves me now. It doesn't take away from the "now" part because when you're in love, truly in love (not in "sort-of-love, I've gotten used to this person"), you see the wonderful parts of a person rather than all of their flaws. When Isaiah looks at me trying on swim suits, he doesn't see cottage cheese or flabby arms. He sees the complete person, the whole and beautiful Calli-jade that is not subdivided into good and bad because he sees the whole me in the best light possible.

God sees the wholistic and good us when he looks on us. And His love is even better than Isaiah's! It's immesurable and eternal, which means His love is not only spans time for this lifetime but for forever. He loved Calli-Jade when she was in his mind, when she was hurt by church in 8th grade, when she glorified Him well in high school, when she betrayed Him with lies, when she talked about Him constantly in Chattanooga, when she felt lost in Colorado, when she found herself again, and time and time again when she left Him for something temporal only to come running back. He has always seen her in her best form because, to Him, after Jesus entered her, she is that new creation, that beautiful woman he created and that he is still re-creating over and over, everyday until she actually becomes that new creation in actuality. You see, the miracle of Jesus is that when his blood covers your sins, God sees you as what you actually are in your perfected form even before it happens. You may still be a goopy mess, but He sees you in your truest form, the form more beautiful than you can even see with your goop-covered eyes. He sees the transformed Prince even whilst the Beast is transforming into him. 

And another great thing about thepositive view God has on you, even while you're being sanctified, is that it is helpful to your wing development. Though there is room for verses like Romans 6:1-2, receiving this radical kind of love does not de-motivate us. It does the exact opposite. Good love deserves great honor and reverence, and every human heart, on some level, knows this. Praise the Lord that every swim suit season, every season of my life, God sees me as beautiful.